(All You Younguns, GO AWAY!)

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Old Fart in a Rocker

A Redneck's Credit Problems

Redneck Entertainment Center




A Day Late, And A Dollar Short

A Dead Ringer

A Drop In The Bucket

A Fate Worse Than Death

A Fish Out Of Water

A Heart As Big As Texas

A Leopard Can't Change Its Spots

A Little Bird Told Me

A Little Nonsense Now And Then, Is Relished By The Wisest Men

A Penny For Your Thoughts

A Stich In Time Saves Nine

A Stitch in Time Saves Nine

A Watched Pot Never Boils

Adam's Off Ox

Add Insult to Injury

Against The Grain

Ain’t no count

Ain't Got A Leg To Stand On

Ain't Got A Pot To Piss In (or a Window to throw it out of)

Ain’t got both oars in the water

Ain’t got the brains God gave a billy goat

Ain't Got The Sense God Gave A Goose

Ain't Got The Sense God Gave You

Alive And Kicking

All bent out of shape

All Talk/All Talk and No Action

All Thumbs

All's Over But The Shouting

Always Look On The Bright Side

An Ounce Of Prevention Is Worth A Pound Of Cure

Another Day, Another Dollar

Apesh*t -- Crazy

As All Get Out -- Emphasis on Something -- "I'm As Broke As All Get Out

As Blind As A Bat

As Clear As A Bell

As Clear As The Nose On Your Face

As Confused As A Baby In A Topless Bar

As Dead As A Doornail

As Hard-Headed As A Mule

As High As A Kite

As Honest As The Day Is Long

As Light As A Feather

As Long As A Country Mile

As Mad As A March Hare

As Many As Carter Had Little Liver Pills

As Neat As A Pin

As Pig-Headed As A Mule

As Plump As A Partridge

As Poor As A Church Mouse

As Proud As A New Born Pup

As Proud As A Peacock

As Proud As A Settin' Hen

As Pure As The Driven Snow

As Red As A Beet

As Right As Rain

As Slow As A Snail

As Strong As An Ox

As The Crow Flies

As Thin As A Rail

As Tough As Nails

As Ugly As Sin

Astor/Aster Butt -- A Real Asshole

At Your Beck And Call




Back In The Good Old Days

Backhanded Compliment

Bad Off -- Not Doing Well

Bag of Switches

Bald-Faced Lie/Liar

Ball and Chain (Spouse)

Ball-Eyed Bloody Bones (anything that scares small children)

Barking Up The Wrong Tree

Bats In The Belfry

Bawled/Balled Me Out

Beat Around The Bush

Beat With An Ugly Stick (and hit with the whole tree)

Beat You Like A Red-Headed Stepchild

Beats the Sh*t out of me

Bee In Your Bonnet

Beggars Can't Be Choosers

Beside The Point

Better Half -- Spouse

Better Late Than Never

Better Safe Than Sorry

Better To Be Pissed Off Than To Be Pissed On

Better To Have Your Enemies Inside The Tent Pissing Out, Than Outside Pissing In -- Lesser Of Two Evils

Between A Rock And A Hard Place

Big As A Goose Egg

Bird In The Hand Is Worth Two In The Bush

Bird's Eye View

Birds Of A Feather Flock Together

Bitter Pill to Swallow

Bit/Snapped My Head Off – angry retort

Black As Pitch

Black As The Ace Of Spades

Black Sheep of the Family

Bless Your Heart !

Bless Your Little Pea-Pickin' Heart !

Blind As A Bat

Blind In One Eye And Can't See Out Of The Other

Blivit – Ten Pounds of Sh*t In A Five-Pound Sack

Blood Is Thicker Than Water

Blow Your Stack

Blown to Smithereens

Boo-Yah ! -- No One Knows What This Means; We Just Say It

Born and Bred

Born and Raised

Born and Reared

Born With A Silver Spoon in His/Her Mouth

Break A Leg

Break A Mirror For Seven Years' Bad Luck

Break The Ice

Brick Sh*t-House -- Well-Made or Pretty -- "That Car is Prettier'n a Brick Sh*t-House

Bright-Eyed and Bushy-Tailed

Bring Home The Bacon

Broke As All Get Out -- No Money

Broker’n Sh*t -- Penniless


Built Like A Brick Sh*t-House


Bumfu*k, Egypt -- Used When Describing Some Remote or Unknown/Unchartered Place

Bump on a Log

Burn The Candle At Both Ends

Burn The Midnight Oil

Bury The Hatchet

Busier’n a three-legged cat covering sh*t

Busy as a Bee

Busy As A Bitch in Heat

Busy As A One-Armed Paper Hanger

Busy As A One-Legged Man In An Ass-Kicking Contest

Butter ball (fat baby or small animal)

Butter My Butt and Call Me A Biscuit

Buy It For A Song

By The Skin of Your Teeth





Came Up Smelling Like Roses

Can’t Make Ends Meet

Can’t squeeze blood out of a turnip

Can't Afford To Pay Attention

Can't Make A Silk Purse Out Of A Sow's Ear

Can't Make Head Nor Tails Of It

Can't Make Heads Nor Tails Of It

Can't See The Forest For The Trees

Can't Win For Losin'

Carry on

Cash On The Barrel Head

Cat Got Your Tongue?

Caught Between A Rock And A Hard Place

Caught With Your Pants Down

Chaps My Ass -- Makes Me Mad

Chatter Box (talks a lot)

Cheap As Dirt

Chew on that for a while

Chew The Cud

Chew The Fat

Chewed Me Out

Chickens Come Home To Roost

Children Should Be Seen, Not Heard

Chilled To The Bone

Chinchy – Tight with money; miserly

Chip Off The Old Block

Chip On His Shoulder

Chock Full

Choose The Lesser Of Two Evils

Chunk -- throw


Clean As A Whistle

Clean Slate

Clear As A Bell

Clear As Mud

Climb On The Bandwagon

Climb The Wall

Close Only Counts In Horseshoes

Close Shave

Close, But No Cigar

Clumsy As A Bull In A China Closet

Clumsy As A New-Born Colt

Coal Oil -- Kerosene

Cock and Bull Story

Cock Of The Walk

Cold Feet

Coldr'n A Well Digger's Ass in Idaho

Coldr'n a Witch's Tit

Come Hell Or High Water

Come Off It

Come To Find Out That . . . -- I Discovered That. . .

Come Uncranked -- What Your Car Motor Does When It Stops Running

Come Up Missing

Come Up Smelling Like Roses

Come What May

Company Is Like Fish...They Both Stink After Three Days

Conniption Fit -- More Agitated Than When You're Having A Hissie Fit -- Just Plain Livid

Cooked His Goose/His Goose Is Cooked

Cookin' on the front burner (succeeding)

Cookin' with oil (doing well)

Cool As A Cucumber

Cootie/Cooter Brown

Couldn't Carry A Tune In A Bushel Basket

Couldn't Cut Hot Butter With A Knife

Couldn't Find His Ass With Both Hands

Couldn't Hit The Broad Side Of A Barn

Count Your Blessings

Country As Cornflakes

Cow lick – hair sticking up (see Alfalfa)

Coyote Ugly – when you wake up with a woman that’s so ugly, you’d rather gnaw off your arm than wake her up

Crazier'n All Get Out

Crazy As A Betsy Bug

Cream Rises To The Top

Cries Like A Baby

Crooked As A Barrel Of Snakes

Crooked As A Snake

Curiosity Killed The Cat

Curious as a cat

Cut And Dried

Cut From The Same Bolt Of Cloth

Cut Me Some Slack

Cut Off Your Nose To Spite Your Face

Cut the cheese

Cut the crap

Cut The Mustard

Cut the Sh*t !

Cut The Shenanagins

Cut Through The Red Tape

Cut To The Chase




Dance With The One What Brung You

Dark as a Dungeon

Day Late And A Dollar Short

Dead As A Doornail

Dead Ringer

Dead To Right

Dead To The World -- Exhausted

Deader'n A Doorknob

Diamond In The Rough

Diddly Squat (nothing at all)

Didn't Know Which Way To Turn

Different Strokes For Different Folks

Dig Your Own Grave

Dilly-Dally -- Mess Around; Waste Time; Loiter

Dirt Cheap

Dirt Poor

Do An About Face

Do as I say, not as I do

Does a snake have hips?

Do go on

Do Number One -- Pee

Do Number Two -- Poop

Dog Days Of Summer

Dog Eat Dog

Doin’ the green apple two-step (diarrhea)

Done Peed' in Your Own Soup

Don't Beat A Dead Horse

Don't Beat Around The Bush

Don't Bite Off More Than You Can Chew

Don't Bite The Hand That Feeds You

Don't Burn Your Bridges Before You Cross Them

Don't Change Horses In The Middle Of The Stream

Don't Come No Bigger/Better/Prettier Than That

Don't Count Your Chickens Before They Hatch

Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk

Don't Get Your Drawers In A Knot

Don't Get Your Panties In A Wad

Don't Have A Leg To Stand On

Don't Have The Brains God Gave A Billygoat/Goose

Don't Know Whether To Sh*t Or Go Blind

Don't Know Your Ass From A Hole In The Ground

Don't Know Your Head From A Hole In The Ground

Don't Let your mouth write checks your ass can't cash!

Don’t say sh*t

Don’t let the tail wag the dog

Don't Like It, You Can Just Lump It

Don't Look A Gift Horse In The Mouth

Don't Make Me Have To Come Up There!

Don't Make Me Hav'ta Open Up A Can O' Whup-Ass On Ya

Don't Mess In Your Nest

Don't Muddy The Waters

Don't Open That Can Of Worms

Don't Piss down my back, and tell me it's rainin.'

Don't Put All Your Eggs In One Basket

Don't Put Any Stock In It

Don't Put The Cart Before The Horse

Don't Take Any Wooden Nickels

Don't Throw Out The Baby With The Bathwater

Don't Try To Pull The Wool Over My Eyes

Don't Upset The Cart

Double Ugly

Double-Dog Dare

Down To Earth -- Practical

Dressed In His Sunday Get Up -- Dressed in Sunday Clothes

Dressed To Kill

Dressed Up In His/Her Sunday-Go-To-Meeting Clothes

Drinks Like A Fish

Drunk As A Skunk

Dryer'n A Bone

Dumb as a Dung Beetle

Dumber'n a Bag of Hammers

Dumber'n a Hoe Handle

Dumber'n A Stump




Easier Said Than Done

Easy As Falling Off A Log

Easy As Pie

Easy Come, Easy Go

Eat Crow

Eat Me Alive

Eat Sh*t and die

Eat Sh*t and Run Rabbits

Eat Your Heart Out

Eat/Ate My Lunch

Eaten Out Of House And Home

Eats Like A Bird

Eats Like A Horse

Eats Like A Pig

Either Sink Or Swim

Elevator Doesn't Go All The Way To The Top

End Of My Rope

Enough Is Enough

Enough money to burn a wet mule. (A wealthy person)

Every Dog Has His Day

Excuse My French

Experience Is The Best Teacher

Eyes Like A Hawk




Face The Music

Fact Is Stranger Than Fiction

Fair And Square

Fair To Middlin'

Fair Weather Friend

Fallin' Apart Like A Cheap Suit

Fancier'n A Two-Dollar Whore

Far Be It From Me

Fart Blossom -- Term Of Endearment for a Child

Fart Wad -- Abnoxious Older Person

Faster Than Greased Lightnin'

Faster'n A New York Minute

Fat As A Hog

Fat as a tub of lard

Feel like the groundfloor tenant in a two-story outhouse

Feeling Their Oats

Fell Like A Ton Of Bricks

Feuding Like The Hatfields And McCoys

Few And Far Between

Fifth Wheel

Finer'n' frog hair'n better'n chicken lips -- Beautiful or Wonderful

Fine-Toothed Comb -- Usually What You Examine Something Closely With

Fit As A Fiddle

Fit Him to a T

Fit To Be Tied

Flash In The Pan

Flat As A Pancake

Flesh and Blood

Fly By Night

Fly By The Seat Of Your Pants

Fly In The Ointment

Fly Off The Handle

Fly On The Wall

Foam At The Mouth

Follow The Golden Rule

Footloose and Fancy Free

For Crying Out Loud

For Love Nor Money

For The Birds

For The Life Of Me

For The Umpteenth Time

For What It's Worth

Forever And A Day

Forgive And Forget

Fork It Over

Fought Like A Tiger

Free As A Bird

Fresh As A Daisy

Freshly-Hatched -- Young

Frog In Your Throat

From Bad To Worse

From Here To Kalamazoo

From Here To Timbuktu

From Out Of The Mouth Of Babes

From Stem To Stern

From The Horse's Mouth

From The Word Go

Full As A Tick

Full Of Beans

Full Of Bull

Full of Piss and Vinegar

Funnier'n All Get Out

Funny Farm





Gag A Maggot


Get Hitched – get married

Get Off Your High Horse

Get The Sh*t Out Of Here

Get While The Gettin's Good

Get Your Ears Lowered -- Haircut

Get your feathers ruffled

Get Your Goat -- Embarass

Get Your Head Out Of The Clouds

Get Your Head Out Of Your Ass

Get Your Sh*t Together

Getting The Short End Of The Stick

Give Him An Inch And He'll Take A Mile

Give Out -- Tired, Exhausted -- "I'm Plumb Give Out"

Give Someone The Cold Shoulder

Give The Devil His Dues

Gives Me Goosebumps -- Scary

Glutton or "Pig Out" (Big Eaters)

Go Fly A Kite

Go For Broke

Go Hog Wild

Go Hump A Stump

Go Off Half-Cocked

Go To Bed With The Chickens

Go Up Like A Puff Of Smoke

Go With The Flow

Goes In One Ear And Out The Other

Going Against The Grain

Going To Hell In A Handbasket

Going To The Dogs

Gone Missing

Gone South

Gone To Pot

Gone To The Dogs

Gonna Be A Cold Day In Hell

Gonna Come A Gully-Washer

Good As Gold

Good Fences Make Good Neighbors

Good For What Ails You

Good Lord Willing And The Creek Don't Rise

Good Old Days

Good Riddance To Bad Rubbish

Gooder'n Grits

Goody Two Shoes

Got A Frog In Your Throat

Got A Kick Out Of It -- Enjoyed

Got a lotta damn gall

Got An Axe To Grind

Got Another Think Coming -- "If You Think I'm Gonna Jump Off That Cliff, You Got Another Think Coming"

Got Ants In Your Pants

Got Me Over A Barrel -- Got Me In A No-Win Situation

Got Me Stumped

Got My Ass Chewed Out -- Reprimanded or Scolded

Got My Ass In Gear

Got My/Your Goat (Embarrased You/Me *OR* Made You/Me Mad)

Got Pulled Before He Was Ripe

Got Skeletons In His Closet

Got something stuck in your craw

Got Up On The Wrong Side Of The Bed

Got Your Ass In A Knot/Sling/Bind

Got Your Head Up Your Ass

Got/Get It Down Pat

Grass Is Always Greener On The Other Side Of The Fence

Great Day in the Morning !

Great Minds Think Alike

Greek To Me

Green With Envy

Grin And Bear It

Grind To A Halt

Grinnin' Like A Cat/Mule Eatin' Briers

Gripes My Ass -- Makes Me Mad

Growing Like A Weed

Guilty As Sin

Gut Reaction/Feeling




Had Me Seeing Red -- I Was Angry

Half A Loaf Is Better Than None

Hand Over Fist

Happier'n a Fly in Sh*t

Happier'n a Pig in Slop

Happier'n a Porcupine in a Balloon Factory

Happy Go Lucky -- Without A Care In The World

Hard As A Rock

Hard Row To Hoe

Harder Than Nails

Harder To Hold Than A Greased Pig

Has A Hollow Leg

Has A Stomach Made Out Of Cast Iron

Has Deep Pockets

Has His Own Axe To Grind

Has The Bull By The Horns

Has The World By The Tail

Have To Bear The Brunt

He fell out of an ugly tree, and hit every branch on the way down

He Has His Tail Over His Back

He Thinks It's Gospel Just Because He Said So

He took out of here like his ass was on fire

He/She Has A Face Only A Mother Could Love

He/she has a face that would harelip the Govenor

He/She has a Mean Streak

He/She has a Wild Streak

Her glasses are so thick, when she looks at a map, she can see people waving at her

He/She is going on a Wild Streak

He/She scraped the bottom of the barrel -- fell in love with a trashy person

He/She took out of there like a streak of Lightning

He/She Was So Confused, He/She Didn't Know Whether To Sh*t or Go Blind

He/She will talk your ears off

He’s so confused, he don’t know whether to scratch his watch or wind his ass

Head Is As Thick As An Anvil

Head Is Hard As A Rock

Healthy As A Horse

Heart As Big As All Outdoors

Heavens To Betsy

Heavy As A Tub Of Lard

Heck Fire

He'll Argue With A Fence Post

Hell Bent

Hell On Wheels

Hem Haw Around -- Waste Time; All Talk and No Action

Hen Pecked

He's Afraid Of His Own Shadow

He's As Dependable As A Fox In A Hen House

He's As Honest As The Day Is Long

He's As Stubborn As A Lop-Eared Mule

He's Dealing From The Bottom Of The Deck

He's In Over His Head

He's Lost His Marbles

He's/She's so bow-legged, he/she couldn't hem up a hog in a ditch.

Hick – Usually refers to someone without an education that lives in the country

High And Dry

High And Mighty

High On The Hog

Higher'n A Georgia Pine

Higher'n A Kite -- Drunk

High-Falootin' -- Fancy

Hind-Sight Is 20/20

His Wheel's Still Turnin,' But The Hampster's Dead -- Dumb

His/Her Apples Don't Fall Far From The Tree

His/Her Mind Is A Steel Trap

Hissie Fit -- Slightly Less Agitated Than If You Were Having A Conniption Fit

Hit Below The Belt

Hit By An Ugly Stick

Hit The Sack

Hitch up your pants – pull up

Hold Your Horses -- Wait A Minute

Honey let me be your salted dog

Hook, Line & Sinker

Hoot And Holler

Hootenanny -- Shingig, Wingding, Celebration

Hop, Skip, and a Jump – A Short Distance

Horned in -- Butt In

Horse Of A Different Color

Hotter'n a 2 Dollar Pistol

Hotter'n a Popcorn Fart

Hotter'n Hell




I Ain't Never

I Can Feel It In My Bones

I Can Feel It In My Bones

I Can't Make Heads Nor Tails Of It

I Could Take A Cotton To You

I Didn't Fall Off The Turnip Truck Yesterday

I Didn't Like The Color Of His Money

I do declare

I Done Put Up With All I'm Going To -- Aggravated

I Don't Give A Tinker's Damn

I Don't Know Him From Adam

I Double-Dog Dare You -- Strong Dare

I Feel Like Death Warmed Over

I Feel Like Giving Up The Ghost

I Have Half A Mind To . . .

I Have Other Fish To Fry

I Haven't Slept A Wink

I Laughed 'Till I Cried

I Need That Like I Need A Hole In My Head

I Triple-Dog Dare You -- Strongest Dare

I Wasn't Born Yesterday

I Won It Fair And Square

I Would Rather Take A Beating

I Wouldn't Give You Two Bits For Your Opinion

I Wouldn't Take A Plug Nickel For You

I Wouldn't Touch That With A Ten Foot Pole

I Wouldn't Trust Him As Far As I Could Throw Him

I Wouldn't Want To Be In His Shoes

I’ll be on you like a swarm of bees

I’ll be on you like flies on sh*t

I’ll be on you like white on rice

I’ll kick your butt up around your ears

If A Wolf Came To My House To Eat, He'd Have To Bring A Sack Lunch

If I Had My Druthers

If It Ain't Broke, Don't Fix It

If I've Seen One, I've Seen 'Em All

If I've Told You Once, I've Told You A Thousand Times

If Something Tastes Good, you can say: "Better n' Snuff, but not half as dusty"

If that don’t light your fire, your wood’s wet

If That Don't Beat All

If That Don't Beat The Band

If That Just Don't Beat All

If that'd been a snake, it would have bit you

If the Good Lord's Willin' And The Creek Don't Rise

If The Good Lord's Willing And The Creek Don't Rise

If The Shoe Fits, Wear It

If Worse Comes To Worst

If you can’t hunt with the big dogs, stay on the porch

If You Can't Stand The Heat, Get Out Of The Kitchen

If You Had A Brain, You'd Be Dangerous

If You Had A Brain, You'd Take It Out And Play With It

If You Play With Fire, You're Gonna Get Burned

If you throw enough sh*t against a wall, some of it is bound to stick

If You Were On Fire, I Wouldn't Piss On You To Put You Out

If you're telling someone the truth, you can tell them: "If I told you a rooster dips snuff, you can look under his wing for the snuff."

Ignorance Is Bliss

I'll Be There With Bells On

I'll Give You Something To Cry About -- Usually Said To Children When You're Mad At Them

Ill Gotten Gains

I'm A Bit Under The Westher

I'm All Ears

I'm At The End Of My Rope -- Tired

I'm Getting Nowhere Fast

I'm Going To Jerk A Knot In Your Tail

I'm Going To Paint The Town Red

I'm Gonna Clean Your Plow

I'm Gonna Nail His Ass

I'm Gonna Take You Out Back Of The Wood Shed

I'm In A World Of Hurt

I'm In Hot Water

I'm Not Just Blowing Smoke At You

I'm Pulling Your Chain

In a bathroom, they bathe; in a restroom, they rest, in a toilet, they toil, in a Sh*thouse, they sh*t

In A Bind

In A Coon's Age

In A Rut

In high cotton

In hot water

In My Mind's Eye

In One Ear And Out The Other

In One Fell Swoop

In Over My Head

In The Bag

In The Doghouse

In the Family Way -- (pregnant

In The Pink -- Everything's OK

In The Red -- Negative Check Book Balance

Indian Giver

It couldn’t cut the mustard

It cut me to the quick

It’ll Do You Good, And Help You Too

It’s Not the End of the World

It’s not worth the paper it’s written on

It'll All Come Out In The Wash

It'll Be A Cold Day In Hell

It'll make you want to slap your mama and throw your daddy out the back door.

It's A Far Cry

It's A Piece Of Cake

It's A Real Humdinger

It's Always Darkest Before The Dawn

It's As Cold As Blue Blazes

It's Better Safe Than Sorry

It's Like Opening A Can Of Worms

It's Not Over 'Till The Fat Lady Sings

It's Rainin' Cats and Dogs

It's Rainin' On My Parade

I've Put Up With All The Sh*t I Can Handle

I've Stood All I Can Stand, 'Till I Can't Stand No More





Jack of all trades; master of none


Joe Blow


Jump out of the fryin’ pan into the fire


Jumpin' The Gun


Jumpy as a cat on a hot tin roof




Jury rig

Just A Drop In The Bucket

Just a Hop, Skip, and a Jump -- Short Distance

Just a stone’s throw


Just barkin’ in the wind


Just bear with me


Just between you, me, and the bedpost


Just bidin’ my time


Just hunky dory


Just in the nick of time


Just rewards





Kalamazoo -- Usually Refers To A Distance -- "That's As Far As From Here To Kalamazoo" -- [Kalamazoo is actually a city in Michigan, located at 42 degrees 16 minutes 45 seconds North and 085 Degrees 35 minutes and 18 seconds West]

Keep a stiff upper lip

Keep out of my hair

Keep the ball rolling

Keep up with the Jonses

Keep your eyes pealed/peeled

Keep your fingers crossed

Keep your head above water

Keep your nose clean

Keep your nose to the grindstone

Keep your shirt on

Keeps me on pins and needles

Kept Me In Stitches

Kick a man when he’s down

Kick The Bucket

Kick Your Ass -- Usually The Only Part Of Someone That Gets Kicked

Kill the goose that laid the golden egg

Kill two birds with one stone

Knee high to a billy goat

Knee high to a grasshopper

Knee jerk reaction

Knee-High To A Jackrabbit/Gnat

Knock Down, Drag Out – A Fight

Knock Down, Drag Out Gorgeous – Looks Good Enough To Fight Over

Knock a Knot on Your Head

Knock off work

Knock on wood

Knock the Sh*t Out Of You

Knock Your Block Off

Knot on a Log


Know the ropes

Know which side your bread is buttered on

Know which way the wind blows

Knuckle down

Knucklehead -- Hard-Headed






Laid up

Laughed So Hard, I Almost Busted A Gut

Laughed So Hard, I Almost Fell Over

Laughed So Hard, I Like To Have Died

Learn the ropes

Left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing

Left holding the bag

Left in a lurch

Left like last year’s newspapers -- abandoned

Lesser of two evils

Let bygones be bygones

Let Nature Take Its Course

Let sleeping dogs lie

Let the cat out of the bag

Let your hair down

Lickety/Lickedy Split – quick

Life of Riley

Light at the end of the tunnel

Lights Are On, But Nobody's Home -- Stupid

Like a bat out of Hell

Like a chicken with its head cut off

Like a kid in a candy store

Like a man grasping for straws

Like a moth to a flame

Like a snowball in Hell

Like Eating Sh*t with a knitting needle.(Something that's tedious)

Like it or lump it

Like stink on a skunk

Like the pot calling the kettle black

Like Sh*t through a goose

Like Trying To Herd A Cat

Like two peas in a pod

Like Water Off A Duck's Back

Like white on rice

Liking to fart through silk and ride on rubber. (Spoiled people)

Lilly-livered son of a bitch

Limber as a dishrag

Lip Lock -- Kiss

Little Miss Priss

Loaded to the gills

Lolly-gaggin’ around

Lonesome as a polecat

Long as a country mile

Look before you leap

Look what the cat dragged in

Looks good enough to eat

Looks Like Death Warmed Over

Loose As A Goose

Lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise

Lost as a goose

Lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut

Lower’n a snake’s belly

Lyin’ like a dog

Lying through your teeth




Madder'n An Old Wet Hen

Made me mad enough to chew nails

Made my blood boil

Made my hair stand on end

Make a beeline for it

Make a long story short

Make no bones about it

Make the fur fly

Makes Me No Nevermind -- Makes No Difference To Me

Mark My Word -- Remember, I Told You So

Meaner’n a rattlesnake

Meaner'n a Junkyard Dog

Meet your maker

Mess with fire, and you’re like to get burned

Middle of the road

Mind your own beeswax

Mind your Ps and Qs

Misery loves company

Money burns a hole in your pocket

Money doesn’t grow on trees

Money is as scarce as hen's teeth

Monkey see, monkey do

Monkey’s uncle

Moonshine -- Homemade Whiskey, Made to Avoid Paying Alcohol Tax

More problems than Carter has pills

More stubborn than a mule

More than I bargained for

More Than One Way To Skin A Cat

More trouble than it’s worth

Mosey -- To Proceed Slowly

Moving at a snail’s pace

Mewling and Puking Around – Bitching and Moaning

[This phrase originally came from Shakespeare’s Soliloquy]

My Teeth Are Floating – needing to find a restroom

My word is my bond




Naked As A Jaybird

Neat as a pin

Neck of the woods

Needle in a haystack

Needless to say

Neither here nor there

Neither rhyme nor reason

Nervous as a Baptist Preacher in a Whore House (may not apply to ALL Baptist Preachers)
(Some may not be nervous about it; some might not go to a whore house)

Nervous as a Cat on a Hot Tin Roof

Nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs

Nervous as a One-Legged Man in an Ass-Kicking Contest

Nervous as a Whore In Church

Never bite the hand that feeds you

Never give a sucker an even break

Nip it in the bud

No need to reinvent the wheel

No pain, no gain

No rest for the weary

No skin off my nose

No Skin Off My Nose/Teeth -- Makes Me No Difference

No use beating a dead horse

No use closing the barn door when the horse is already out

No Use Cryin' Over Spilled Milk

Nose To The Grindstone -- Working Hard

Not a hair our of place

Not A Penny To My Name -- Broke

Not A Pot To Piss In -- Without Anything Valuable; Plum Broke

Not fit to hold a candle

Not The Sharpest Knife In The Drawer

Not The Sharpest Tool In The Tool Shed

Not worth the salt that goes in your bread

Nothing is certain but death and taxes

Nutty as a fruitcake

Nutty as a squirrel




Of All The Gall !

Off his rocker

Oil and water don’t mix

Okey dokey

Old As Methusaleh -- Old Person -- (Methusaleh, from Genesis 5:27, lived to be 969 Years Old)

Old as the hilld

Old Biddie -- Usually Refers To An Old Woman

Old Coot

Old Lady's So Ugly I Take Her Everywhere With Me Just So I Don't Have To Kiss Her Goodbye

Older than Father Time

Older’n dirt

On a wing and a prayer

On the ball

On the rocks

On the spur of the moment

On Top Of The World -- Successful

Once bitten, twice shy

One bad apple don’t spoil the whole bunch

One Brick Shy Of A Load

One foot in the grave

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure

One sandwich short of a picnic

Only the good die young

Open mouth, insert foot

Opened Up A Hornet's Nest -- Caused Trouble

Out behind the woodshed

Out like a light

Out of sight, out of mind

Out of sorts

Out of the coals, into the fire

Out of the jaws of death

Out of the mouths of babes

Out on a limb

Over the hill

Over the top




Pack Rat

Pain in the neck

Paint the town red

Pale as a ghost

Passel -- Large Quantity Of

Pat on the back

Pea-Pickin' Good

People in Hell want ice water too

Petered-Out -- Tired

Piddle Around -- Waste Time


Pig's Sty -- Usually How Someone Describes A Kid's Room

Pinch a loaf – to do # 2

Pink elephant

Pipe down

Pipe dream

Pipin’ hot

Piss Ant -- Small

Pisses Me Off -- Makes Me Mad

Pissin' Match -- Argument or Competition

Play it by ear

Play with fire/matches and you’re gonna get burned

Play-purty -- toy

Plum Broke -- No Money Left

Plum Tuckered Out -- Exhausted

Plum/Plumb -- Totally -- "I'm Plumb Give Out"

Podunk -- Usually Where Someone Says They Are When They're Lost -- [Actually There Are Only Four (4) Places in the United States That Have This Name: Podunk, Connecticut; Podunk, Michigan; Podunk, New York; and Podunk, Vermont]

Polecat -- Skunk

Poop -- To Defecate/Sh*t

Poor as a Church Mouse

Poor as a snake

Poor as dirt

Practical As A Screen Door On A Submarine

Practice makes perfect

Practice what you preach

Pretty as a picture

Pride goes before the fall

Proof is in the pudding

Protective as a mother hen

Proud as a peacock

Pull the wool over my eyes

Pure as mother’s milk

Put stock in it

Put that in your pipe and smoke it

Put your money where your mouth is





Queer as a three-dollar bill

Quick as a wink

Quick as lightning

Quick on the draw

Quicker’n a New York minute

Quicker’n greased lightning

Quiet as a mouse

Quietr'n a Mouse Pissin on a Cotton Ball

Quit While You're Ahead

Quit your bellyaching




Rabbit Tobacco -- What To Smoke When You're Living In The Country

Rack my brain

Ragmuffin (Ragamuffin) – Dressed Poorly

Rainin' To Beat The Band

Rainin’ cats and dogs

Raisin’ cain

Ran Like A Scalded Dog

Ran like a spotted ape

Rat Killin’

Rat race

Real McCoy

Reamed Me Out / Bawled Me Out / Chewed Me Out

Red As A Beet

Red tape

Rest on your laurels

Revenoor -- Anyone That Tries To Tax Moonshine

Right as rain

Robbin' Peter to pay Paul (borrowing from one person to pay another)

Rode hard and put away wet

Roll with the punches

Root hog or die

Rotten To The Core

Rough As A Cob

Rubbed Me The Wrong Way -- Made Me Mad

Rule The Roost -- The One That's In Charge

Run like the wind

Running Around Like A Chicken With Its Head Cut Off





Sack of Sh*t

Sadder, but wiser

Saunter -- See MOSEY

Saved by the bell

Sawed-Off -- Short -- Usually Expressed as A Form of Degradation and combined with Sack Of Sh*t -- "You Sawed-Off Sack Of Sh*t!"

Scarce as hen’s teeth

Scared out of my drawers/pants

Scared out of my wits

Scared Sh*tless

Scared Sh*tless

Scared the Sh*t out of me


Screaming my lungs out

Screw Loose – crazy or confused – “He/She has a screw loose”

Screwed the pooch – really messed up

Sh*t A Brick

Sh*t For Brains -- Stupid

Sh*t Head

Sh*t Heap

Sh*t hit the fan

Sh*t Hook

Sh*t list

Sh*t load

Sh*t on a Stick -- People who believe themselves to be important

Sh*t Out Of Luck


Sh*tter -- Toilet


Shag Ass -- Hurry Up

Shaggy -- Someone That Needs A Haircut

Shake A Leg

Sharp As A Tack

She can’t help bein’ ugly, but she could’a stayed home

She don’t know any better

She is a diddy-way-doosie

She was so ugly, they had to tie a pork chop around her neck just to get the dog to play with her

She’s gonna have a hissie fit

Shindig -- Celebration


Sh*ttin’ and Getting’ – in a hurry

Sh*t Rolls Downhill

Shoot the Sh*t

Shootin’ the breeze

Shower Down On It -- Accelerate

Shut-Out -- Locked Out

Sick and Tired Of... -- "I'm Sick And Tired Of Payin' All These Bills"

Sick as a dog

Sigh your John Henry

Sight for sore eyes

Sillier’n sh*t

Silver-tongued devil

Sit down and take a load off

Sit down and talk a spell

Sit for a spell

Sit tight

Sittin’ duck

Six of one, and a half-dozen of the other

Skaggy -- Loose Woman

Skinny as a rail

Slap Happy -- Extremely Happy

Slap Out -- Without; Nothing Left

Slap You Bald-Headed

Slap You Into The Middle Of Next Week

Slap You Naked

Slap You Silly

Slap You So Hard Your Grandkids Will Have A Headache

Sleep like a log

Sleepin’ with the enemy

Slew -- A Large Quantity Of -- "I Cooked A Slew Of Greens For Dinner"

Slick as a cow pie on a flat rock

Slick/Clean as a whistle

Slicker’n a bucket full of snot

Slicker'n Owl Sh*t

Slicker'n Snot

Slippery as an eel

Slough (pronounced Slew) -- Swampy Area

Slow as a broke clock

Slow As A Snail

Slow as Christmas

Slower'n Molasses In January

Slyer’n a fox in a hen house

Smack Dab In The Middle -- Exactly In The Center

Smart as a tack

Smart as a whip

Smooth As A Baby's Behind/Ass

Smooth as silk

Snug as a bug in a rug

So broke that if it took a quarter to leave town, you couldn’t cross the street

So broke, I can’t pay attention

So cold, lawyers have their hands in their own pockets

So dumb, he don't know Sh*t from Shinola

So Help Me...

So Hungry, I Could Eat A Horse

So Stingy, He Could Squeeze The Copper Out Of A Penny

So Stupid, He Couldn't Pour Piss Out Of A Boot With The Instructions Printed On The Heel

So sweet, honey was drippin’ off her tongue

So ugly, it looks like her face caught on fire, and somebody tried to put it out with an ice pick

So ugly, the Doctor slapped your mama

So Ugly, Your Mama Had To Tie A Pork Chop Around Your Neck Just To Get The Dog To Play With You

Sober as a judge

Son Of A Gun

Sooner get blood out of a turnip

Sorry As A $ 2.00 Watch

Sowing his/her wild oats

Spare the rod; spoil the child

Speak of the devil

Squeal like a stuck pig

Squirt blossom

Step on a crack and break your mother’s back

Stick like glue

Stick to your guns

Sticks out like a sore thumb

Stiff as a board

Still Wet Behind The Ears -- Inexperienced; Young

Stirred Up A Stink -- Started Trouble

Stomp your ass

Stompin’ ground

Stone cold

Stoned Out Of His Gourd -- Drunk or Drugged

Stop stirrin’ up a bunch of crap/sh*t

Stop the Crap !

Stop the Sh*t !

Straight as an arrow

Straight Shooter

Strike while the iron is hot

Stringbean -- Someone That Is Skinny

Strong As An Ox

Strung Out

Struttin' Like A Peacock -- Walking Proud

Stubborn As A Mule

Stuck in a rut

Stuck up

Stunk so bad, he could knock a buzzard off a sh*twagon

Suckin' hind tit (falling behind)

Sure as night follows day

Sweatin' like a whore in church

Sweet tooth

Sweeter’n honey





Tail between your legs

Take a back seat

Take a cotton to

Take a hike

Take a likin’ to

Take a load off

Take a rain check

Take a shinin’ to

Take him down a notch

Take it with a grain of salt

Take One Step Forward And Two Steps Back

Take the bitter with the sweet

Take the bull by the horns

Takes One To Know One

Talk in circles

Ten Feet Tall And Bulletproof -- Feeling On Top Of The World

Tend to your own knittin' (mind your own business)

That just slipped off your tongue

That makes me want to puke

That old dog don’t hunt

That takes the cake

That’ll take the wind out of your sails

That’s a hair-brained idea

That’s a hard/bitter pill to swallow

That’s a horse of a different color

That’s about as stupid as a screen door on a submarine

That’s it in a nutshell

That’s just water under the bridge

That’s music to my ears

That’s my cross to bear

That’s no skin off my back/nose

That’s the best thing since sliced bread

That’s the last straw

That’s the long and short of it

That’s the way the cookie crumbles

That's a Hoot

The bark is worse than the bite

The best things come in small packages

The best things in life are free

The bigger, the better

The blind leading the blind

The cure is worse than the disease

The early bird catches the worm

The left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing

The light was on, but nobody was home

The live-long day

The only difference between a vulture and a woman, is that the vulture circles at least once before it chews your ass out

The river got so high, you could see under it

The Shoe's On The Other Foot Now

The straw that broke the camel’s back

The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach

The wolf is at the front door

Their family tree don’t branch

There may be snow on the roof, but there’s still fire in the furnace

There’s more than one way to skin a cat

They just go hog wild

Thicker’n fleas on a dog’s back

Thin As A Rail

This place looks like a pig’s sty

Three sheets to the wind

Threw Me For A Loop

Throw another log on the fire

Tie The Knot

Tight as a tick

Tight as a tick on a dog's back (Stingy)

Tight as bark on a tree

Tighter'n Dick's hatband (money situation under the Clinton administration)

Till the chickens come home to roost

'Till The Cows Come Home

Timbuktu -- Usually A Comparison -- "I Don't Know Him From Timbuktu" -- [Timbuktu is actually a City in Mali, West Africa, located at Approximately 16 degrees 45 minutes North and 3 Degrees, 4 Minutes West]

Time heals all wounds

Time is passin’ me by

Time is tickin’

Time to bite the bullet

Time to hit the sack

Time to meet your maker

Time To Pay The Piper/Fiddler

Time to put him out to pasture

Time to rest my dogs

Time to turn over a new leaf

Time’s a wastin’

Tired As All Get Out -- Exhausted

Tit for tat

Tobacco Road -- Poverty

Tomcat -- Male Cat

Too big for your britches

Toot your own horn

Touched in the head

Tough As Nails

Tough as old leather

Tough as whit leather

Tough row to hoe

Tough Sh*t

Tougher’n a one-eared alley cat

True blue

Truth is stranger than fiction

Tuckered out

Turn a blind eye

Turn a deaf ear

Turned Up Missing

Turns Out That. . .

Two bits short of a dollar

Two heads are better than one

Two left feet

Two of a kind

Two shakes of a lamb’s tail

Two’s company; three’s a crowd

Two-Bag Ugly -- When You Have To Wear A Bag On Your Head, In Case The Bag On Her Head Falls Off




Uglier'n Lassie's Ass -- Self-Explanatory

U-G-L-Y (pronounced "you glee") -- Extremely Ugly

Ugly as a mud fence

Ugly As Sin/Uglier’n Sin – Usually refers to Inbred Kids

Ugly as the South End of a Northbound Mule

Ugly Enough To Stop A Clock

Under The Weather

Up a blind alley

Up the creek without a paddle

Upper Crust

Use it or lose it

Useless as a bucket with no bottom

Useless as a dry well/cow

Useless as Tits on a Boar Hog

Useless as Tits on a Nun




Variety Is The Spice Of Life





Wait broke the bridge [Ed. Note: not weight]

Wait for the other shoe to drop

Wait with baited breath

Wake up and smell the coffee

Walk a mile in his shoes

Walk on eggs/eggshells

Walk the walk and talk the talk

Walks Around Like He's Got A Cob Up His Ass

Waste not; want not

Watched pot never boils

Water over the dam

We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it

We’re all in the same boat together

We’ve seen better days

Weak in the knees

Wear your heart on your sleeve

Welcome as a wet blanket

Welcome as the plague

Welcomed with opened arms

Well I Never

Well I Never, in all my born days

Well now, if that don’t beat all

Well slap me naked, and hide my clothes

Well, I Swear

Well, I’ll swanee

Were you born in a barn?

Wet behind the ears

Wet Your Whistle

Wetr'n a Cow Pissin on a Flat Rock

Wetter’n a drowned rat

What Fer?  Cat Fur To Make Kitten Britches !

What goes around, comes around

What in blue blazes?

What is all the rigmarole about?

What the cat dragged in

What you don’t know won’t hurt you

What’s done is done

What's Good For The Goose Is Good For The Gander

When all’s said and done

When Hell freezes over

When it rains, it pours

When pigs fly

When the cat’s away, the mice will play

When the cows come home

When the creek/well runs dry

When you got it, flaunt it

When you lie down with dogs, you’re gonna get fleas

Where there’s a will, there’s a way

Where there’s smoke, there’s fire

Whippersnapper -- Young Person

Whippin’ boy

Whippin’ post

White as a sheet

Why Buy The Cow, When You Can Get The Milk For Free

Wider than the Mississippi

Wider’n a barn

Wild as a Billy Goat (active, noisy kids)

Wild goose chase

Wild horses couldn’t drag me away

Willy Nilly

Wingding -- Celebration

Wise Old Owl

Wiser'n An Old Owl

Wish in one hand and spit in the other, and see which one fills up first

Wishy-Washy – Unreliable, indecisive

With age comes reason

With bells on

With flying colors

Without A Care In The World -- Not Worried About Anything; Happy Go Lucky

Wolf in sheep’s clothing

Won the battle, but lost the war

Won't Hold A Candle To -- Won't Come Close

Worry Wart -- Usually refers to someone that is constantly bothering you, or worrying about something

Worse than stink on a skunk

Wrinkled as a prune





X marks the spot


X that out







"'Ya'll Come"

Yankee dime

You ain’t just whistlin’ Dixie

You ain’t no spring chicken anymore

You are what you eat

You are your brother’s keeper

You can buy it for a song

You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink

You can stand up for yourself, or waller (wallow) in your own self-pity

You can bank on it

You can take that to the bank

You can tell a tree by the fruit it bears

You can’t judge a book by its cover

You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear

You can’t squeeze blood out of a turnip

You can’t teach an old dog new tricks

You can’t trust him as far as you can throw him

You don’t know diddly squat

You don’t know Jack Sh*t

You don’t stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing

You drive a hard bargain

You Gotta Be Sh*ttin' Me

You have to sow before you can reap

You just hit the nail on the head

You just spun your own web

You Know What Really Burns My Ass? -- A Flame About 3 Feet High

You Made Your Own Bed, Now Lie In It

You never had it so good

You Scratch My Back, I'll Scratch Yours

You silly goose

You won half the battle

You’ll reap what you sow

You’re a dead duck

You’re a dirty, double-dealin,’ no good, low-down skunk

You’re a thorn in my side

You’re actin’ like a child

You’re addin’ insult to injury

You’re barking up the wrong tree

You’re gonna be pushin’ up daisies

You’re gonna bite off more than you can chew

You’re gonna get my dander up

You’re gonna hafta’ eat crow

You’re in over your head

You’re not tootin’

You’re nothing but a snake in the grass

You’re only as good as your word

You’re still wet behind the ears

You’re treadin’ in deep water

Your eyes are bigger’n your stomach

Your name is mud

Your number is up

You're Getting Too Big For Your Britches

You're Gonna Put Me In The Poorhouse





Zip it


Zip your zipper


All About Jack Sh*t

It seems that people are always telling everyone else "You don't know Jack Sh*t." Well, I am going to explain it all to you. Afterwards, if someone tells you this you can say "Actually, I DO know Jack Sh*t."

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awh and Oh Schitt. Awh, the fertilizer magnate, married Oh, the owner of the Kneedeep Inn, which expanded to become Kneedeep Inn Schitt, Inc. Later, Jack married Noe, and they produced seven children. Holy, their first, passed on shortly after birth.

Next came the twin sons, Deep and Dip, and two daughters, Fulla, and Giva and another son, Bull. Deep married Dumb, a high school dropout. Dip married Lotta, and they had a nervous son, Chicken. Fulla and Giva married the Happens brothers.

The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull just recently married a spicy Italian number, Pisa, and they are awaiting the arrival of a little baby Schitt. They've already picked the name of Pila.

Chicken eventually inherited the fertilizer industry from his grandfather.  The business grew rapidly due to his unique management skills and catchy slogan: “Crops Not Growing?  You Need Chicken Shitt.”  For a while, people said that he had a Schitt-load of money, but he lost the company when he eventually became afraid to collect the money owed from people on his Schitt list.

After being married for 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, but kept her previous name. She was later known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Recently, one of Jack Schitt's old girlfriends Helpya Self, gave up her two daughters, Sh*ttanya Self and Pissayna Self, for adoption. Jack cousins, Hunka Schitt and Loada Schitt are now the twins' foster parents.

The twins are welcomed by one brother, Crocka Schitt, and two sisters, Take-a Schitt and Heap-a Schitt. Jack's sister, Wortha, moved out to make room for the large family.

Wortha soon fell in love with a Mr. Brick, and they were married. She moved into his huge house, but refused to change her last name. Now their home close to Schitt Creek is known throughout the community as the Brick-Schitt House. With its marble floors and ornate exterior, the townsfolk would often say that anything that looked good was "Built Like A Brick-Schitt House."

Heap-a Schitt married Mr. Getza Head, an Italian chef. Soon, there were lots of Schitt-Head children. Heap-a became a chemist and eventually developed the world-renowned pesticide called "Deadly Schitt." Soon, billboards announced the famous slogan about her product -- "Got Bugs?  Let them eat Schitt and die."

Take-a Schitt moved to Japan to become a horticulturalist. Using a variant of her name, she developed a new species of mushrooms, called the "Schittake." She married Mr. Hooks, a Roto-Rooter executive, and they had several children. The Schitt-Hooks prospered for many years, but eventually went down the drain in a stock market crash.  Hometown newspapers reported the demise of the mushroom industry, but the article misquoted the company’s bankruptcy records and blamed “Schitt For Brains” as the cause of the failure, rather than the economy, and the Schitts sued.  The legendary case was eventually settled, and a new phrase was coined: “I’ll sue the Schitt out of you.” 

Crocka Schitt became a stand-up comedian. Because of his stage antics, he earned the nickname "Ape." Last year, Crocka Schitt fell while climbing a tree in his hometown of Shinola, MO, and landed in the middle of a PETA demonstration -- unhurt. I guess you could say that PETA had Schitt on themselves. Newspapers reported that Crocka was “one tough Schitt.”  The Six-O-Clock News, filming the event, promptly named the segment "Ape Schitt Falls From Tree -- PETA Breaks His Fall."  Well, as you might have guessed, that article attracted every girl from three counties away. Jealous husbands and boyfriends threatened to “shoot the Schitt.”  Fans flocked to see the event.  One admirer actually tore Crocka’s overalls and knocked him down.  The ensuing scuffle ended when Schitt hit the fan.

However, Ima Hooker, the female news anchor, was the one that caught the eye of Crocka Schitt.  She fell madly in love with Crocka, and they soon married. Ima Hooker was now Ima Schitt. Now a celebrity because of the news report, Crock-a Schitt moved with Ima back to her hometown, where he could have peace and quiet and raise a little Schitt every now and then. His plan worked. No one knew him there. When asked who he was, people would say "I don't know Schitt from Shinola." They eventually had four kids: Krappy Schitt, Ugglee Schitt, "Lucky" Schitt and Moe Schitt (who actually was named "Noe" after Jack's first wife, but was called "Moe" because of her haircut). Krappy was a feeble kid, and pretty much scared of everything. When ill, kids would often say that they were "Feeling Krappy" or "Sick as Schitt."   Likewise, when they were scared, they would say they “had the Schitt scared out of them,” or that they were “scared Schittless.”

Before long, the town had Schitt all over the place. As a matter of fact, they had more Schitt than they could handle. Lucky, the moneymaker of the family, created a deodorant empire, and for years used the slogan "Smell Like Schitt." His family later moved to Australia, where the slogan was changed to "Smell Like Schitt Down Under." When he lost his business in a card game, he was said to be "Schitt Out Of Luck."

Moe Schitt became a troublemaker. She was run out of town when the citizens put up signs saying "Get The Schitt Out Of Here." The Mayor finally declared that there was no way they could put up with Noe Moe Schitt.

Uglee Schitt married Buford Butt, and later was known as Uglee Butt. Using her maiden name, she opened a miniature donkey-breeding farm. Those little Schitt-Asses were famous throughout the county.

Uglee’s oldest son, Sacka Schitt, was an entrepreneur, of sorts.  Always on the lookout for an investment, Sacka earned the nickname “Owl,” when he became famous as a stock broker on Wall Street.  Ever the envy of his peers, he was always voted “Broker of the Year.”  Everyone said that to beat him, you’d have to be “slicker than Owl Schitt.”

Owl Schitt eventually left the hectic life of Wall Street and moved back home to start a family.  His first daughter, “Runny” Schitt, earned that nickname due to the fact that she couldn’t sit still, even when eating her Christmas dinner.  She was often the winner of all the county eating contests.  The judges always said that nothing was “faster than Schitt through a goose.”

The story doesn't end here, though. The Schitt children moved from place to place, and you'll probably run into some Schitt everywhere you look. Every summer, Jack Schitt contacts all of the family members for an annual get-together. He wants everyone show up, so he places ads in the local papers about the reunion, announcing "Get Your Schitt Together."

As you can tell, we are now in a world of Schitt. Now that all the Sh*t is cleared up, if anyone asks, YOU DO KNOW JACK SH*T.

[Editor’s Note:  By now, I hope you realize that I’ve just fed you a buncha Schitt.  I Schitt You Not ! ]

Jack Schitt -- The Shorter Animated Version


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Copyright © by Ron Collins. 2007.

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