The 12 Days of Christmas

(A Satirical Observation)

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me A partridge in a pear tree.

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree.

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Four calling birds,
three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Five golden rings.
Four calling birds,
three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Six geese a-laying,
five golden rings.
Four calling birds,
three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Seven swans a-swimming,
six geese a-laying,
five golden rings.
Four calling birds,
three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Eight maids a-milking,
seven swans a-swimming,
six geese a-laying,
five golden rings.
Four calling birds,
three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Nine ladies dancing,
eight maids a-milking,
seven swans a-swimming,
six geese a-laying,
five golden rings.
Four calling birds,
three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!

On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Ten lords a-leaping,
nine ladies dancing,
eight maids a-milking,
seven swans a-swimming,
six geese a-laying,
five golden rings.
Four calling birds,
three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Eleven pipers piping,
ten lords a-leaping,
nine ladies dancing,
eight maids a-milking,
seven swans a-swimming,
six geese a-laying,
five golden rings.
Four calling birds,
three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Twelve drummers drumming,
eleven pipers piping,
ten lords a-leaping,
nine ladies dancing,
eight maids a-milking,
seven swans a-swimming,
six geese a-laying,
five golden rings.
Four calling birds,
three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!

In the Western Church, the 12 Days of Christmas are the twelve days beginning on December 25, and extending through January 5 (the Twelfth Night). Epiphany begins on January 6, and is recognized as the day the three Magi, or Wise Men arrived to present their gifts to the Baby Jesus. Their gifts, of course, were Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh. There were, according to traditional accounts, no partridges, turtledoves, French Hens, calling birds, etc., as is mentioned in the song. However, according to the movie, there was one Little Drummer Boy (which is just what Mary and Joseph needed – loud banging while their Newborn is trying to sleep).

Why Excess is NOT Always Good

Below is a 12 Days of Christmas Equity Chart, which offers some interesting observations. According to the nature of the song, each day is cumulative. Since you receive a new gift plus the previous days’ gift for each of the twelve days, by the last (twelfth) day, your “True Love” will have burdened you with 184 birds (12 Partridges, 22 Turtledoves, 30 French Hens, 36 Calling Birds, 42 Geese and 42 Swans), 40 Golden Rings, and 140 people of various sorts (40 Maids, 36 Ladies, 30 Lords, 22 Pipers and 12 Drummers), for a total of 364 “gifts.” Your “True Love” (A Millionaire!) is cruising the Mediterranean while you’re stuck at “Green Acres.”

Obviously there will be no more pears, because they will be eaten by the partridges. There will be no more rest with the turtledoves cooing, the birds calling, the pipers piping, and the drummers drumming. The maids will need cows to milk, and the geese will keep “a-laying,” which will require a substantial investment in livestock, initiating a sell-off of the 40 Golden Rings. There will be no more fun down at the “swimming hole,” due to it being occupied by 42 swans. On the bright side, with the 30 Lords a-leaping and the 36 Ladies dancing, you could open a nightclub, recoup your losses and sell it to some foreign investor, providing the local zoning ordinances allow for such an establishment to be constructed in the first place. You’d be better off to refuse all the “gifts,” or to marry * your “True Love” and let him/her finance the whole show (which almost certainly assures that the two of you will be appearing on the “Jerry Springer Show” in the near future). Or…you can simply move to Hooterville, celebrate December 25^th as the only Christmas Day, and get some much-needed rest when it’s all over.

Day 1	1	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	Daily Equity Gain 1	“Gifts” Now in Your Possession 1
Day 2	1	2	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	3	4
Day 3	1	2	3	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	6	10
Day 4	1	2	3	4	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	10	20
Day 5	1	2	3	4	5	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	15	35
Day 6	1	2	3	4	5	6	0	0	0	0	0	0	21	56
Day 7	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	0	0	0	0	0	28	84
Day 8	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	0	0	0	0	36	120
Day 9	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	0	0	0	45	165
Day 10	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	10	0	0	55	220
Day 11	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	10	11	0	66	286
Day 12	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	10	11	12	78	364
	Total	Total	Total	Total	Total	Total	Total	Total	Total	Total	Total	Total	Total	Total
	12	22	30	36	40	42	42	40	36	30	22	12	364	364
	Partridge in a Pear Tree	Turtledoves	French Hens	Calling Birds	Golden Rings	Geese a-Laying	Swans a-Swimming	Maids a-Milking	Ladies Dancing	Lords a-Leaping	Pipers Piping	Drummers Drumming	All	All

Chart by Cody and Ron Collins, December, 2002.

* NOTE: Since there are 365 days in the year, and there are 364 gifts given throughout the 12 Days of Christmas, there are enough gifts to play/enjoy/eat for every day except ONE. On that ONE day, I strongly suggest that you have the wedding mentioned in the paragraph above. It might be the only time you ever see him/her because of all of the ruckus at your cozy little farm.

However, for a non-satirical account of the song and the meaning of the gifts, go to http://www.cresourcei.org/cy12days.html. In this account, the “True Love” is God, and “me” is every baptized person of the Christian Faith. The satirical account listed above is NOT intended to degrade any belief. It is just the product of someone with too much time on their hands.